'Are you wearing..two dresses? What..I don't..IS it two dresses..Let me touch it.. No..I just don't understand this at all..' - this outburst was followed by me patiently explaining the 'Peplum' trend to my friend James and reassuring him that no, no I was not wearing two dresses it was, in fact, just the style of the dress and that was how it was supposed to look ('Are you sure?' 'Yes. Shut up.') Anyway, a few weeks ago we all put on our glad-est rags and headed off to Royal Ascot for the day. My three top tips for attending Ascot are..

1.) Wear. Shoes. That. Fit/Don't hurt/You can walk in

There is lots of walking and standing around and within minutes every female in our group had begun to moan about our feet hurting and walking up and down the Grandstand steps was a precarious challenge of teetering and tottering whilst grasping wildly onto the nearest object (banister/boyfriend/random passer by etc) in an attempt to not fall flat on one's arse. I wasn't even drinking (tonsillitis -boo) but by the end of the evening all attempt at decorum from the majority of female racegoers had been long forgotten and we all traipsed out carrying our shoes in one hand, wincing with pain and swearing like sailors. Seriously - wear. shoes. that. fit.

2.) Find somewhere to sit

..Because standing around is really rubbish. If you do happen to find seats - pounce on them and guard them with your lives. At one point only two of us remained at a table for eight and I still don't quite know how me managed to fend off all the chair-vultures who immediately descended upon us. There will be almost nowhere to sit so if I highly suggest bringing a blanket to sit on or paying extra for a table (and wear. shoes. that. fit)

3.) Practice walking around in your fancy-dan-hat

Because, otherwise, you might not quite realise just how much extra space you're now taking up... 'I can definitely fit through that gap' *smack*. I spent a good part of the day rebounding off inanimate objects whilst trying to duck and weave my way through the crowds so try and be aware.

Other tip tips are: DEFINITELY wear a hat and for once bigger really is better - (Debenhams, House of Fraser and Accessorize do a great selection and you can wear them again at Weddings/Fancy Occasions), boys should really go all out and be in three piece suits, girls stick to knee-length outfits to be on the safe side even if you're not in The Royal Enclosure, wander around to find the best prices for Champagne/Cocktails etc as some places are significantly more expensive than others and finally, don't listen to your boyfriends best friend who really 'knows his stuff' about horses and believe him when he assures you he knows who is going to win and follow his lead by betting TWENTY POUNDS because that horse will inevitably lose and betting is ONLY FUN WHEN YOU WIN. And then don't then repeat this mistake a mere three races later - only this time using your dad's 'inside knowledge' - because, once again, the horse will lose and BETTING IS ONLY FUN WHEN YOU WIN.